


Emptiness

by Judas_Iscariot



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Angst, Aramis misses Marsac and everything hurts, Hallucinations, I hate tags, M/M, Mentions of Death, Savoy, pre-1.04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3673191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judas_Iscariot/pseuds/Judas_Iscariot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>The blurry silhouette shakes his head, turns, and walks away, limbs heavy and aching and Aramis has never felt this alone in his entire life. No, not alone, he realizes. Empty.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yo!  
> So here is my first Musketeers-fanfiction and I'm starting off with lots of Angst and hurt!Aramis. Sorry.  
> If you find mistakes please tell me (English is not my first language so there might be a mistake or two (or 50)). ♥  
> Also sorry for my style, I know it's weird, and now have fun! *cough cough*

His mind is swirling, thoughts disappearing and coming back again without making sense, and all he hears is the distant beating of his heart somewhere in his chest and that's strangely upsetting, and all he sees is a white and black haze in front of his closed eyes. He tries to swallow but finds his throat is far too dry and it hurts, just like the wound on his forehead and the pain in his shoulders and hips and chest. It's everywhere, really, and he wouldn't mind if it wasn't accompanied by a harsh cold; a cold that only barely makes him shiver because his muscles are too exhausted to do so much work and so that cold just creeps through his skin and flesh and veins and nerves and digs itself into his body, spreading all over and not sparing a single inch of him. 

Aramis tries to remember when the last time was he felt this way. Deep down every single sinew screams to stop looking for that oh so distant memory and Aramis knows that he won't find it in the maze of senseless thoughts and tangled words and blurry pictures in his mind, and he also knows that he shouldn't go there again. But he doesn't care, and when he opens his eyes with a pained groan that sounds unfamiliar in his own ears, all he sees are black and grey shapes before a far too bright light and he closes his eyes in an instant when they start to burn. 

His ears come back to life and he hears words. They are hushed and hurried, incomprehensible to him. He chooses to ignore them as best as he can and tries to find that one memory that he is somehow scared of, and there he is, back in those woods. Around him nothing but snow, the stinging smell of blood and withering bodies, and crows screaming in the night, and everything hurts, he knows this for sure, and when he turns around he sees a face in the distance, looking back at him in shock, whispering words too quiet to comprehend. The blurry silhouette shakes his head, turns, and walks away, limbs heavy and aching and Aramis has never felt this alone in his entire life. No, not alone, he realizes. Empty. Because he was not alone. Around him lay his friends, he finds, before he collapses, thinking about how with this one man everything else within him just abandoned him until nothing was left but- emptiness. 

He opens his eyes again, eager to get away from the massacre and the cold and the emptiness, and there are the shapes again that are leaning above him, only they are less fuzzy now and Aramis can make out their faces. There are four of them, three very near, looking worried and frightened and somehow relieved, and the fourth is standing back, looking at him without any expression at all, blank face, blank mind, until it all cracks and he hears a whispered _'forgive me'_ in the back of his head 

_(it shouldn't be there, right?)_

and he stares at the figure, eyes darting between their eyes and lips and his expression goes soft, his lips form a narrow smile that doesn't reach his sorry eyes and he looks away, full of shame, but Aramis can't. He keeps ignoring the other three shapes 

_(people, he realizes)_

and only slowly everything he has missed in those past five years is returning and the empty space is filled and although he can barely move he feels so alive - His breath hitches and he cannot see properly through the tears and his voice is only a whisper against the rushed words of the others.  
"Marsac..." 

Then it goes all quiet. 

 

It isn't until hours and hours later that he realizes that Marsac wasn't really there and no, there is no wound on his forehead, and he was shot on their way back to Paris, and Aramis closes his eyes again, imagining the brush of dry lips against his skin and gentle hands in his hair and he loses himself in those memories for a while. He has enough time to come back to reality later, back to Athos and Porthos and d'Artagnan and he is grateful for their friendship. What else could come that close to fill that emptiness in his chest after all?

**Author's Note:**

> ...sorry. 
> 
> Opinions? :)


End file.
